Yes it's me. I've been away a long time. I just had to hide because I am so darn good looking. Fearing for my safety I hid away and bore some sproglets which unfortunately made me even more incredibly good looking because of all the hormones and some researcher said women with babies are more attractive. So fearing for me safety and to dodge the hail of chocolates, flowers and diamonds that are thrown at me everywhere I go I have taken to only going out at night and sometimes "in disguise".
I tried to not wearing any make-up but unfortunately it made me even more attractive with one man offering to buy my thrush treatment and another insisting upon buying my pregnancy multi vitamins.
I went to the hairdresser the other day and while the female receptionist happily took my booking , the male hairdresser point blankly refused to cut my hair and said "why mess with perfection."
I thought I was in desperate need of a manicure but when I went to the local Asian beautician the lady boy there said my nails were the image of beauty and wouldn't do it. Seems I am much loved by the cross overs too.
So while I sit down to eat my Lindt chocolate bunnies, which the man at the supermarket gave me for free as he said I needed "fattening up" I lament the days when I could have some peace and quiet in my life, a quieter time when I could go to the shops and not be harassed and was allowed to pay my own way. Nevermind, perhaps a career change to be a writer for the Daily Mail, apparently incredibly good looking women are treating normal there.
